Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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