Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize