woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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