I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
