They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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