I haven't been this sober since birth.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
