she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
