yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize