I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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