The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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