Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Porn is love you can see.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
