I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
