is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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