Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
