Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
