So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
