our cab driver is having phone sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
