Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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