I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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