can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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