the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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