If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
