I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
