I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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