i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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