were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
