if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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