i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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