Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize