Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
