My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
