She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
