My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
