I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
