Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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