Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
