Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
