i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What a dumb baby whore.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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