we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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