you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
