Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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