I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
