I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
