hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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