No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
