So drunk its hurt
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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