Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
