Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
