A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
