it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have tasted many bathrooms
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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