Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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