Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Screwed.edu
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
