I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
