i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
