I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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