threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She bit a glass in half.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize