She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
