I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
