i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
