You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
