I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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