she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
