remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
