Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
