May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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