What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
