i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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