Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
