2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
