Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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