it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
