Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
