but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
