i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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