We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
