So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
