I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
