i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
