she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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