READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
