So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
