I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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