My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize