youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
