i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
