If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
