I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
