sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
