in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
