She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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