i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
