remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize