forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
