I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
