remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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