he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
