Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize