Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
