I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
