And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize