I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
