You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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