Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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