woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
