both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
